


Incompatible

by NotEvenThat



Series: Raphael/Jace [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Asexual Raphael Santiago, Deadpan Raphael, In canon-ish, Insecure Jace Wayland, M/M, POV Jace Wayland, Secret Relationship, Slight fluff, Slightly Submissive Jace, soft moments
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-30
Updated: 2017-08-30
Packaged: 2018-12-21 18:52:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11950488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotEvenThat/pseuds/NotEvenThat
Summary: Jace felt like this was the beginning of a fight but as with everything with Raphael, he sat, his eyes calm and translucent. Jace knew that he was asking because he wanted to know, not because he was trying to shame Jace but it felt like an attack all the same. He wanted to fight. He wanted to say something to make Raphael mad and make him forget what he had asked. That never worked though and one sided arguments were worse than nothing at all.Jace took a deep breath. “Why do you have to question everything?”Raphael wants to know why their relationship works for Jace. As with everything, Jace struggles to talk about his feelings and why Raphael Santiago makes him feel so safe.





	Incompatible

Jace fell into the bed and stretched out, until he could feel his toes hitting the space where the bed stopped and the air beyond it started. The room around him was cold but he had long since grown use to it. He had too, coming to the hotel so often. Everything about this building was cold and almost vacant but Jace found more comfort in it then he did his own room at the Institute. It had been a long time since he had found comfort in anything, anything other than his family, anything other than Alec.

It was odd how quickly he grew to trust Raphael Santiago. It was even odder how they had began. Jace was long past questioning his decisions, though. He was here now. For better or for worse, Raphael Santiago had found a place in his life. Even Jace couldn’t place exactly where he fit in the scape of everyone else but he was there and that was undeniable.  

Raphael wouldn’t come back to him for another couple of hours. Jace hadn’t looked at the time when he’d arrived there but he could see the sky outside, dark and void of any growing horizon. Raphael wouldn't be back until the last second. He’d stay out, protecting and leading the vampires of New York until the sun forced him back inside.

Before, Jace had felt awkward when he had been left alone in the hotel. The first couple of times it had happened, he’d sat on Raphael's bed, cold, uncomfortable and above all terrified that he was going to break something, despite the fact that he wasn’t moving. Those first few meetings had been filled with nervous energy like that. Raphael and him had met under intense circumstances. They’d fallen into each other while Jace was on the verge of dying and Raphael had been the only one there to save him. Delirious and half on the verge of death, Raphael had leaned down and sunk his teeth into Jace’s neck, pushing enough venom into him to keep his body alive. Jace had responded… immensely.

Of course, nothing happened. Raphael took care of him until the sun went down and he was able to deliver Jace to the Institute steps. After that though.. Jace couldn’t deny that Raphael called to him. Apparently, it was some vampire thing. Something about the venom traces still in Jace’s body. It had never worn off, though.. The feeling had never left him, even when the venom was long gone from his body and Raphael told him he should feel fine. 

Jace had found himself sitting in the hotel, trying desperately to get find himself again, struggling to respond. He’d never been this way before. He’d never been this nervous around another person, he’d never felt this off center but they had met with Jace in such a vulnerable place and now that Jace was fine, he couldn’t go back to the confident persona he held around everyone else. Raphael had already seen through it.

Now, Jace didn’t mind. It had been a couple of weeks since Jace had felt the need to force himself to act a certain way around Raphael. It had been weeks since he’d first retreated to the hotel for comfort.

Jace didn’t think he’d ever let someone see who he really was, not someone who wasn’t already his family. He thought it to himself and wondered if Raphael felt the same odd comfort around him as he felt. He wondered if Raphael really meant it when he said that Jace was welcome here, or if he just kept saying so.

He thought it until his eyes fell shut and he stopped thinking about anything.

 

Jace woke up to Raphael’s bedroom door closing. The sound was soft, as it always was. Raphael knew he was there the second he entered the hotel and he always tried not to wake Jace up but it never worked. The soft creaking noise always drew him out of his dreams like his subconscious knew what that noise meant.

It took a few seconds for Jace’s bleary eyes to find Raphael but when he did, his mouth twitched in a smile. It happened subconsciously. Raphael looked upset, tired and grumpy but Jace was happy to see him regardless. Raphael looked grumpy all of the time anyway. It was hard to tell when something was actually wrong. Though, Jace was getting better at it.

“There's a stray shadowhunter in my bed.” Raphael spoke the phrase completely deadpan but Jace could see that he was pleased. At least, Jace hoped that that was what he could see. He hoped that he wasn’t making it up.

“Come lay with me.” The phrase was garbled behind Jace’s tired lips but he knew that Raphael heard him.

His vampire quirked an eye but slowly made his way over to Jace. There was a stretch of arms and the shuffling of clothes and then Raphael was there, cold and solid under Jace’s body.

 

“Why does this work for you?” Raphael's fingers stilled in his hair as he spoke. His words were firm and not wavering but there was an edge of honest question there.

Jace had been the one to initiate it, this soft caress of their bodies together. It had happened after Jace came to the hotel, far too tired from his earlier mission to think about how humiliating it was to ask Raphael to lay with him. Now, it was something that happened regularly and without a word. Even after all of this time, neither of them could gain the courage to ask for it outloud.

“What do you mean?” The sky outside was bright and Jace could see streaks of sunlight cascading across the ceiling. There was no mission today. There was no emergency and no mass destruction to take care of, so Jace found himself here, again.

“You know what I mean.”

Jace hadn’t but the way Raphael spoke it, hard and unforgiving, he knew. For a couple of seconds, Jace didn’t say anything. He had thought about it a lot himself. Why _did_ this work for him? Why, of all places, did Jace find sanctuary here in Raphael's arms? It didn’t make any sense. Every time he left, he lied about where he was going. He couldn’t even imagine telling his siblings truth. They wouldn’t have believed him, if he had. It didn’t make any sense. It was unbelievable that he had been here all of these weeks, hiding in a hotel for vampires.

Raphael continued when Jace didn’t say anything, “We’re the most incompatible people, Jonathan. You must know that and yet, you come back here.”

There was a moment of silence, in which neither of them moved from each other and neither of them spoke. Then, suddenly, Jace sat up, ripping himself from Raphael’s arms in a rather gentle but firm motion. They stared at each other.

Jace felt like this was the beginning of a fight but as with everything with Raphael, he sat, his eyes calm and translucent. Jace knew that he was asking because he wanted to know, not because he was trying to shame Jace but it felt like an attack all the same. He wanted to fight. He wanted to say something to make Raphael mad and make him forget what he had asked. That never worked though and one sided arguments were worse than nothing at all.  

Jace took a deep breath. “Why do you have to question everything?” He said finally. He forced himself to remain calm and not to overreact to protect himself but there was an edge in his voice that even he couldn’t hide.

“You’re using me to deal with something. I believe I deserve to know what.” He spoke with the same calm regard that he had before but he didn’t waver from the truth, not even for Jace’s feelings.

Jace scoffed, quietly, “You don’t seem to be protesting.”

Raphael raised an eyebrow at him and suddenly, Jace felt like he had said something stupid. “I don’t. I enjoy your presence here but that doesn’t mean I can’t ask why _you_ enjoy it. I know who you were before,” Jace flinched. The way he said it: not ‘I know what you did before,’ but, ‘I know who you were.’ Jace acted like a different person now and Raphael wasn’t going to pretend to ignore it to make Jace comfortable. “You were cocky and arrogant. You had a different lover every night and then you fall into my bed and suddenly, you’re fine curling up at my side like a lap dog. I’m asexual Jace and that doesn’t even seem to bother you. What are you getting out of this?”

Jace’s gaze snapped up and glared at him but Raphael didn’t even blink. “I can just leave, you know.” He felt like a five year old the second the words came from his lips. Raphael was asking him a question and Jace was threatening to leave, so that he didn’t have to answer.

“You can.”

Neither of them moved and then slowly, Jace looked down at the bed. He knew why it worked for him. He knew the answer to the question that Raphael was asking him but even thinking it, he felt the shame rising up his back. It was pathetic. He was pathetic but saying it outloud was another thing. “You know-” Even saying _this_ outloud was a struggle for Jace. This one sentence that was completely true. Jace spoke again, quieter. “You know that I don’t like talking about..” _My feelings._

“I know.” The question still rested, hovering in the air. Jace knew that Raphael wouldn’t say anything if he left. He probably wouldn’t even say anything if Jace returned to him the next day without answering. Yet, he stayed.

“I know that you’re not using me.” Jace said the sentence quickly. His cheeks flushed with shame as he glared down at the silk sheets. Anyone else probably would have made Jace repeat it but Raphael had heard him.

He could have stopped there, he could have left it. That sentence answered Raphael's question but Jace kept speaking anyway, “My whole life people have been using me.” The truth of the phrase hit Jace as he said it. “Valentine.. Even the Lightwoods. They took me in because it looked good for them to do so. Then.. I started having sex with people and of course, I liked it.” Jace looked up at him and his cheeks flushed again, “But I knew that they were using me. I was using them too. But you’re- I know that-” The air left Jace’s throat and then he flinched weakly, looking up at Raphael’s blank face. “I know that you’re not.. Using me for anything. I know that you don’t.. I know that you want me here because I’m not giving you anything else.”

Jace fell silent and for a couple of moments Raphael didn’t respond. Then, slowly, he sighed and looked away. A moment passed and then he reached out and pulled Jace closer to him again.

Jace went, bonelessly.

“I have a meeting tonight. You can stay up all day but I need to sleep.” The lamp next to them clicked off before Jace even realized that Raphael had reached for it.

He sat tense for another couple of moments and then slowly, he relaxed into Raphael’s chest and closed his eyes. He fell asleep before Raphael even pulled the blankets over them.

**Author's Note:**

> Listen, I have absolutely no clue where this came from. It loosely came from the thought that Jace would like dating someone who was asexual because it would make him feel like he wasn't being used. I don't know. Hands down the oddest pairing I've ever written about.


End file.
